boom.

20Apr08

So, I did this interview with Diane Sawyer. It was an anonymous interview in silhouette, with a distorted profile and an altered voice and a few other anonymizing tricks. A few of you already know about this — one of you said I was identifiable by the way I used the word ‘yeah’ and the way I touched my hair. Another said I wasn’t recognizable at all.

When Sawyer asked why I agreed to speak with her, I said, “I don’t know.” But I do know. I did it because she asked. It was flattering, if a fucked form of flattery, but I was mostly interested because her perspective stands in diametric opposition to my own. She represents the view of middle America; she works for a family-friendly network with no tolerance for grey area in a subject as inflammatory as sex work. It was clear that there could be only one slant for her documentary, being the old Victorian trope of the broken, dysfunctional, fallen prostitute, incapable of forming her own opinions or making her own decisions (and I find it interesting when self-described feminists reinforce this). A network like ABC wanted Dickensian sex workers and that’s precisely what they were going to show. But here I was being given a chance to offer my own take and experience, which runs counter to their thesis, and more specifically, I was being offered the opportunity to sit down and talk with this woman personally.

In reality, Sawyer was much more even-handed than she appeared on-screen, though her questions reflected a set of very backward assumptions. As I said to her then, I knew that one interview wasn’t going to change anything, but I was hoping it might make a dent in the assumptions some people have about sex work.

I have strong feelings about that interview. I think they should have spoken with other women who represent my perspective, since I know I’m not alone, as well as with (real) sex worker activists. I also have strong feelings about the general response to that interview, from all sides.

I’m mentioning the interview now because last night I learned that my parents tuned in to ABC that fateful day and promptly recognized me, in spite of the silhouette, the altered voice, the distorted profile, the vague and thoroughly dated details. I received an email from my mother saying that she knows. She saw the interview and decided to sit on this knowledge until she could see it again, and then she decided to contact me. What tipped her off exactly, I don’t know. Maybe my mannerisms or my tendency to mumble or the few details that were mentioned. Whatever it was, it was clear to her. I’m sure that while she knows nothing about me personally, she can recognize my speaking habits.

And I’m not sure how I feel about this, my parents knowing. I haven’t spoken to them. I haven’t responded to her email. My father hasn’t said or written anything - I doubt he ever will. I’m stunned, but I’m not ashamed of what I do or what I’ve done. I feel exposed but I don’t feel apologetic. I should feel mortified, but I don’t. Instead, I feel like a very private part of my life has been exposed, like they’ve just caught me in the middle of some sex act. So I suppose I feel awkward. And because I have an especially curious mother who isn’t so clear on boundaries, I’m sure she’s combing the internet right now to identify every trace of my whorish self. She might be reading this right now.

A few sentence fragments from her note:

I have to say that it wasn’t a complete surprise…

But I was in a state of denial…

…it explains a lot about many things…

I listened to what you had to say in the interview and I expect you feel you have thought all of this through.

In some ways, I feel the way I felt when I was sitting across from Sawyer. I feel like I can only sigh, because I doubt I can begin to penetrate the many layers of misunderstandings and preconceptions, let alone that relentless working assumption that a woman’s value as a human being decreases as she gains sexual experience. (Sawyer asked me about preserving the ’sanctity’ of my body, as though sex without the imprimatur of love were inherently degrading.). I’m glad my mother didn’t lash out in anger or patent disgust — what’s come across in her note is some mix of restraint, confusion, and extreme discomfort. That deserves some kudos, even if I still feel miles away from having a real conversation with her about this, which, unsurprisingly, is exactly how I felt when I sat down with Diane Sawyer. We just don’t see eye to eye.

So, today I was dazed. I went to grab some dim sum with some of New York’s fine sex writers (thank you, Viviane) and then spent some time talking with Chelsea as we walked through the Lower East Side. While we were walking, I was thinking how relieved I was to be in such pro-slut company.

And later in the day, I saw Gabriel, another blissfully pro-slut individual. He told me to take my clothes off, and this made me smile, which made him smile. While we undressed, I thought about how good this is, even if I have to battle my urge to shut down.

My mother wrote, “…I expect you feel you’ve thought this all through,” but nothing is thought through. I’m just thinking. And learning.

He fucked me over his sofa, the flat of his hand pressing down into my back. I felt him take my hair in his hand before he pulled out to come across my lower back, which splattered in a thick, swerving pattern. After, he took a snapshot of his come against my winter-pale skin. Once he toweled my back down and we both dressed, I took a look. It was a beautiful shot.


66 Responses to “boom.”  

  1. 1 Jill

    Oh my god, that was you!? I watched it with my mother while I was visiting her one night, and I was telling her that I read a blog about a woman in this profession (if that’s the right word to use). It crossed my mind that it might be you, but I figured with the great lengths you go to in order to protect your identity that it couldn’t be you. Wow.

  2. 2 kimberleecline

    I have been through exactly what you’ve just experienced and had much of the same reaction. I wanted to honor that this is a complicated thing for family to deal with, however, it is not something that family should have to be scandalized or shamed over. My family loves me and have been supportive of whatever my choices are, even when they don’t understand why I make them.

    Viviane totally rocks, glad she was around to be supportive!

  3. 3 chelsea g

    Dude.

    Seriously.

    As I said to you today, I’m so very sorry that you’re being pushed through the emo vortex vis-a-vis your mom and Diane Sawyer. It’s never pleasant to be thoroughly blended without one’s complete consent, which life being what it is rarely happens.

    I do think, however, that this is all hitting the great empyrean fan because you’ve been revising the text of your life. It may suck prodigiously at the moment, but I’ve no doubt that when the dust settles, you’ll find yourself suddenly warm and shiny and basking in the glow of hard-won personal change.

    kissykiss,
    chelsea g.

  4. 4 Mel

    I saw the interview and thought it was great. It balanced off the rest of the hour and showed that there are two sides to every story. I’m sorry it’s created upset in your life, but I’m glad you spoke out. You have very valuable, insightful things to say about these issues.

  5. 5 LuckySeven

    hi mom.

    hi D.

    *sigh*, i missed meeting the lovely Viv @ D.O. but never mind.

    what i want to say is “we’re all in this together,” but that’s ridiculously inaccurate and narcissistic. maybe what i should say is…..i’m very very glad for everything that you have written. you have inspired and continue to inspire me. i’m unimaginably good with mom’s, i wish i could charm and mollify yours (i’m so good with them, i just beam nice boy next door), but maybe i should just offer to buy you a drink in St. Tropez this summer.

    i’m really gald you’re still writing. lather, rinse, repeat.

    mwah.

    7

  6. 6 Dacia

    I’ve been through the coming out to family ringer too, and it’s tough, but it does get better over time. I came out to my folks preemptively - before a full page picture of me hit the newsstands with a quote identifying me as a sex worker - and I’m glad I did that, but the aftermath was still intense. For me, it was best to follow their lead, answer questions, and talk about what they wanted to talk about - or respect their weird silence on the issue. Every time I’ve pushed the issue with them I end up feeling badly about it.

  7. 7 Gillete

    Wow…what an interesting, intense life you lead. Hugs your way for this particular time when the interesting is accompanied by the uncomfortable.

  8. 8 clearlyinvisible

    Wow. That is some fucking story. I’m a relative newcomer to your blog but I did see the episode in question and, weirdly, my mind did flicker back to the words I’d read here as I listened and watched to Sawyer prattle on; in retrospect, truly surreal.

  9. 9 Danny

    <3

  10. 10 bittersweet me

    best wishes to you at such a tricky time - what a shame that you are exposed from the action of being brave and speaking out.

  11. 11 peccator

    d.–If this comment impermissibly crosses the boundary between bloglife and real life, please feel free to edit or delete it as seems best to you.

    You were extraordinarily generous to me with your time, a sympathetic ear, and good advice when my own life was in some turmoil and when it seeemed like all disparate parts were about to collapse into one giant mess. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s experienced your thoughtfulness, either. You’ve built up a lot of goodwill among your friends; draw on it as needed.

    I have had this thought since well before the Sawyer piece that you, or at least a big part of you, were balancing a keen sense of privacy with an urgent need to proclaim it all right out straight–thus the highwire blog. So seeing the Sawyer piece didn’t come as a surprise–either that it was you, or that you were so fucking thought-out, or that you touched your hair and said “yeah” the way you do.

  12. 12 Rich

    I’m glad someone is willing to work to change the perception of sex workers.

    Although honestly I think that many people are more accepting of sex workers then they are willing to state publicly. Mainly because they are afraid of what others will think.

  13. 13 Doctor M

    Best wishes— for no family drama, for interviews that aren’t designed as morality pieces.

  14. 14 John

    I actually prefer the company of smart professional sex workers.
    There’s honesty in the play and I take tremendous pleasure in its delicious textures.

    You did well with Sawyer’s mawkish interrogation. Her silly facial contortions alone spoke volumes about her sincerity and the real purpose of her “piece”. You came off well. After that interview, I’d trust your media-tique coverage of the really IMPORTANT issues of our day much more easily than I would Sawyer’s.
    Sawyer and all the others sold out ages ago.
    They are just so ego-plastered that they can’t even sense the massive irony their posturing brings to this issue.
    I daresay that you could have fired back almost every one of Sawyer’s unabashedly Oprah-atic attempts to get your voice to crack or something.
    Sawyer and all these other non-journo media people interrogating you and commenting on your work selling sex.
    What a laugh.

  15. 15 Viviane

    Oh, my darling. You know I’ll support you any way I can.

  16. 16 Doctor M

    I saw the interview at the Boinkology site this morning. Sawyer’s facial expressions were painfully fake— a show of faux-concern. You handled yourself well— articulate, thoughtful, self-possessed. And, yes: lovely voice, elegant profile. You presented yourself well— as someone far and away beyond the categories Sawyer waned to impose.

  17. 17 badinfluencegirl

    i only wish i had known to watch it. that would have interested me as would the inside of a legal brothel.

    diane sawyer? not so much.

    i’m sorry your mom outed you only if you really are… but i don’t get the sense you are. i get the sense that you’re ready for it…

    but then i can only read between the lines, it’s your life after all.

    hugs if you want them!

  18. 18 isil

    If its of any consolation my folks wont talk to me after i decided to leave medicine.

    It doesnt really have to do with carrers in a point, but what they had in mind for you, what they talk about with their friends about you etc. Being yourself is always a lonely path.

  19. 19 Jenny Block

    I just wanted to say how much I admire you. Your strong, intelligent voice makes it much harder for nayayers to argue that you are the poor, sad victim. I long for the day that those working in the sex industry garner the respect they deserve. Funny how the sex industry is something that the public is willing to spend tons of time and money on but still the public has so little regard for the very people providing the service the public longs for…

    I’m sorry your mother found out. I cannot begin to imagine how hard that must. I myself had to admit to my family that I’m in an open marriage because I have a book coming out on the subject. So, I certainly do understand the feeling of having been “caught in the middle of some sex act.” Anyway, your writing is wonderful and I wish you all the best.

    Regards,
    Jenny Block
    Author of “Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage”

    http://www.jennyonthepage.com

  20. 20 blackdog

    Just checked out the interview on Boinkology link, and I agree - you came across very well. That being said, I was most interested in the very end, where you said that if you could ever get over being a ‘wuss’, you’d settle down with one person.

    I think this makes you a very sane person, one who will (I’m guessing) eventually choose to move on the next phase in your life - marriage, family, etc. And yet there is nothing wrong with your current phase, and some will choose to stay in it longer than others. Some may flip it around - having had the family at a young age, watching it end badly and then choosing to become a sex worker in a later stage. The physical/emotional risks of sex work are not diminished either way - they are what they are.

    Emotional maturity is not equal to intelligence and education - I’ve met simple people who were incredibly grounded, and I’ve met brilliant people who were incredibly messed up. That deep wisdom about who you are and what makes you happy/content is a lifelong journey, and it happens differently for all of us. You are aware of it, and commenting on it, and living it out in front of us - and that takes courage. Now that mom/dad are aware, it will take even more - and I think you have it, in spades.

    Keep going girl, you will get there - wherever ‘there’ is for you. We are all rooting for you - even Ms. Sawyer…

  21. 21 debauchette

    The hate mail has started to trickle in, which I pretty much expected once this post was picked up by Gawker. It’s the same rhetoric I see again and again, and it’s always conveyed as if it were original or insightful or new, often written in some evangelical, truth-bearing tone.

    But the hate mail pales against what I’ve received as support, from friends and strangers and strangers-who-feel-like-friends, and I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate it. And your comments, here, are incredible and so supportive. For all the risks blogging poses (like getting Gawker traffic), blogging has put me in touch with so many amazing people that I never would have met or known otherwise. I can’t thank you all enough.

  22. 22 Suzanne Portnoy

    It was so great to meet you yesterday and I hope everything works out for you. Now that your parents have found out, it’s up to them how they deal with it and up to you to be understanding of their feelings. My parents have always known about my writing but they don’t read it. That’s their choice and I understand it. What has upset me is when their friends pass comment because they’ve found out. At the end of the day I don’t want my choices to reflect in any way on how others feel about my upbringing. My mother once said to me, ‘I don’t mind what you do but I just don’t want anyone to think you’ve had terrible parents.’ At the end of the day, we do what we do because we want to do it not because we want it to impact on our parent’s lives.

  23. 23 Alexa

    but I was hoping it might make a dent in the assumptions some people have about sex work.

    And believe me when I say to you did just that, whether you truly realize it or not. Whenever a sex worker presents herself/himself in front of an audience and speaks/writes intelligently and articulately about what they do, it makes a dent. It dispels the notion that we are damaged, deluded, stupid, (insert all of the other adjectives here) individuals who were coerced into doing the work, abused, can’t think for ourselves, etc. Your unabashed approach to your work, both in the interview and through your blog here show others the reality behind the fact that some sex workers do indeed enjoy what they do. I’ve been in several group discussions about that show in particular where you were brought up and people were surprised at how intelligent you seemed and the fact that you spoke about your work unapologetically, so I can say without a doubt that you made a dent in some peoples’ perceptions of the work. Realistically, I don’t think you could’ve asked for more.

    That “reporters” like Diane Sawyer and others who bring their preconceived notions about prostitution (or any other subject for that matter) to work with them speaks more to their failure at doing their job, sadly. Sadly for those who might otherwise be informed, and sadly for those like yourself who end up being portrayed in a less than accurate light. Idealistically, the job of a reporter is to report facts and not bring personal bias to the table. I hate that that is no longer the case in a great many instances. Quite frankly, though, it would have surprised me if she had presented the subject objectively. I think that would’ve made a far better story on many levels, but what do I know?

    Anyway, good luck with your parents. I hate that you were outed against your will. I’ve been reading your blog for some time and never posted any comments. But I felt compelled to let you know that your interview did have an impact on some people and therefore what you did was not done in vain.

  24. 24 Olivia

    I just wanted to add to the support. Especially as you said you’ve received some hate-mail.

    Any way, you totally outshone Diane Sawyer. You were classy, poised and most importantly whip-smart. Hold your head up high and I hope things turn out okay with your folks.

  25. 25 Ethical Slut

    Can Sabina (http://ytuhermanotambien.blogspot.com) and I be your sex writer junior mentees (mentorees!?)

    -ES

  26. 26 Tess

    Wow. I just saw your interview over on Boinkology and think you came off so much better than Diane Sawyer. She seemed to want to hold on to her preconceived notions at all costs, while you calmly and honestly explained a situation that was not one she was expected to encounter. I think the only way you met any of her expectations was that you have been hurt and are vulnerable. Who among us does that not apply to?

    I hope being exposed to your family means you end up with their support and unconditional love. You very much deserve that.

  27. 27 A Mom

    Hi - I’m one of your readers and I didn’t see the Sawyer interview. I’m also a 63 yr old “Mom” with one 20 something daughter. So perhaps I’m a little different than most of your readers - I’m guessing. Would just like to say, having read everything you’ve ever written, and also your tumblr site, I’d be proud if you too were my daughter. Your honesty has deeply moved me, many times. Your sexuality has aroused me also. Please remember, when the nasty-grams come in, that your path is Your Path. Not Mom’s, not Sawyer’s or any of the other judgmental folks out there. Warm and “motherly” best wishes to you, kiddo.

  28. 28 ShearGenius79

    I have to say I picked up your website via the whole Gawker thing. I wish I could have found you sooner. I’m in a monogamous relationship and oft times have wondered if I was capable of staying that way. You say what I feel but am afraid to say. I do hope things work out for you and I hope you continue to blog.

  29. 29 Screwsan

    Thank you for your blog. I’ve spent all day reading it. You are such a talented writer and your community here is fantastic.

    I also found you through Gawker, though I lost my daily taste for it years ago. Now I only browse occasionally. So glad I did today.

    I too hope you get through these difficult times with your sanity intact. You seem strong and smart enough to navigate anything.

  30. 30 ImagiCreatrix

    You have more courage than I’ve seen in most people. It takes a lot to put yourself out there - and I’m not just talking about working in the sex industry. You invite us - those you know IRL and countless perfect strangers like myself - into your world, if only for the minutes spent reading what you so eloquently post in your blog.

    I haven’t seen the interview yet, but if the way you present yourself here is any indication, I’m positive that you did make a dent in the assumptions people tend to have about sex work.

    I know things likely won’t settle down until some time has passed, but I sincerely hope that everything works out for you in the end.

  31. 31 AgtShadow

    Whoah. The kind of moments that just sneak up on you. Kudos for the interview and thank you for doing it. Good luck with the parents.

  32. 32 someone

    so I got here through Gawker, too, and I’m just really relating to something — I, too, was the subject of a Mainstream Media interview at some point in the last year and when we shot it, it depressed the daylights out of me in terms of the gap it illustrated between the nice, concerned, smart producer (with whom I still email and will have a giggly dinner with again) and the piece that actually aired, which was middle-American and retarded. (My celeb anchor was beyond stupid and did no work other than mouthing questions to me — which I quickly realized were penned by the shrewd producer seeking ratings — from the center of his blow-dried self.)

    Honestly, I came away from it with a sense of mission: That I would not let the stupidification of the news get in the way of meaning. Hopefully what I experienced and talked with my friends about had some small-ripple effect that outdid the big-ripple effect of looking down on me and the story I was in on.

    So — I am wholly glad someone as smart and together as you was also a Mainstream Media interview subject. There really is a ripple, and I am psyched you are sharing about the real life behind the silly skewed interview. Seriously. Let the people who are at Olive Garden right now think what they think. You are AWESOME. I am sorry this caused you strife. But thanks for shining a light on things for people. It matters.

  33. 33 Mark

    No, I didn’t find you from Gawker. I’ve been reading you for about 2 1/2 months now. And I don’t have anything in particular to add to anything that’s been posted here, except that I’ve enjoyed reading your graceful, lyrical words.

    Blogging on the amateur lever (maybe even at the semi-pro level) is many things; a hobby, a passion, a confessional. I’ve tried it and haven’t been able to keep it going for any extended period of time. You do. And while no reader has a right to say to any blogger “please keep writing”, because blogging (at least the kind of blogging you do) is such a personal act, I’m grateful that you’ve allowed me to observe that act. And for however long you chose to trust us with some of the pixels of your soul, I will keep reading.

    And as far as Diane Sawyer’s disapproval goes, anyone who worked for Richard Nixon and fucked Henry Kissinger is in no position to judge anyone’s career or personal choices on anything. (The link to that is below).

    http://nymag.com/news/people/24750/index3.html

  34. 34 Tara

    Ohh my gosh! I checked twitter and I saw my last name and was like what?! then I read your post.. you are an amazing writer, and you are Definitely a REAL sex worker activist! I don’t have a TV, so I haven’t seen the actual interview, but I’m sure you did great!
    You are talking about it, publicly even. As a SW activist, I just have to say “THANK YOU THANK YOU!” Huge kudos, support and love!

  35. 35 mk

    Hi,

    I have been reading your blog for a while (read all the archives as soon as possible) and love what you write. Erotic, honest, frightening, and powerful.

    I have never been outed for the second relationship that I have (my wife knows of it and they are friends), and fear what would happen if I were. Polyamory is nothing if not frowned upon. So that’s my background. My family doesn’t know.

    You have my total sympathy, and I wish you all the best. I can’t imagine how it will progress for your and your family, but I wish you strength and beauty and love. The strongest love you have shines through in your writing: your love for yourself. Yes, sometimes you only show us parts of yourself, but a big part of it is that you feel confident in the pleasure of your personal power. You rock. Thanks for existing.

  36. 36 lsmith

    reply to your mother; give her a chance, she may well love you deeply even though she will never understand you, which –after all –is pretty commonplace

  37. 37 miss_iodless

    i watched you that night, and was in awe of your honesty….you were speaking my own feelings on sexuality. the same feelings i am honest about with my friends and close family members, yet there is this huge disconnect as they struggle to identify with my pro-sex (pro-slut) outlook. i applaud your courage.

    i give you much respect.

  38. 38 flip

    I loved reading this piece, you have a great style and a very interesting story. You should continue. Sorry about the being exposed stuff. I will have to expose my own stuff to my mum in my book. There’s a whole new perspective for you.

  39. 39 Lillet

    Re: “let alone that relentless working assumption that a woman’s value as a human being decreases as she gains sexual experience.”

    I can’t help but think of my favorite quote from _The Duchess Of Malfi,_ when the Duchess says:

    “Diamonds are of most value,
    They say, that have past through most jewelers’ hands.”

    Keep fighting the good fight!

    Bon courage,

    L

  40. 40 blatherly

    HORS UNITE!

  41. 41 billybobbkt

    Well personally I believe you did the right thing.I am sorry you were discovered but in the long run you will be glad its over and out I believe.I have a similar situation but it wasn’t in the sex industry.Im an ex skinhead.I hid it as well as I could but my dad eventually found out.Now im no longer a racist,far from it.I realized my mistakes and learned from them.I will say that my father and I are more open now than we have ever been.I guess thats a good thing but it did take him awhile to come around.I personally support the sex industry.Its one of our societies oldest ‘fetishes’.So what im saying is dont be afraid to be yourself.If you enjoy what your doing,be proud of it ma’am!

  42. 42 nick

    I found it fascinating stumbling across your blog. I have no prefabricated opinion as to what anyone does to make ends meet. We all just do what we have to do to get by. I have certainly had my trials and tribulations in life, and I did what I had to do to make it. I came to realize that the things that I had to do, were simply that. In other words, it’s what I do, not who I am. I do not think that I have ever seen a better example of that than what you write about. As a society, I think generally speaking there is a preconceived notion that people who use sex as a means of work are all drug addicted idiots. In actuality, you are no different than the rest of us. Just wanted to wish you well and thank you for hopefully allowing people to see that at first glance, things are not always what they might appear to be.

  43. 43 CineKinkster

    I think that whenever somebody who is both appealing and articulate - ie you! - is also brave enough to speak out about their sexuality, it’s a positive step in terms of opening and furthering that conversation. You did a great job - thanks so much for putting yourself out there!

    Lisa

  44. 44 Natasha

    Thank you for your brilliant mind. You are incredibly unique - as they say: It’s lonely at the top. Thankfully you have lots of support from us, your readers.
    I have enjoyed reading your blog for quite some time and I wish we (as in the entire population) could communicate verbally as directly and honestly as you write. You seem much more grounded and happier than anyone I know because you’re true to yourself.
    If I were a man I would pay to be with you too!

    Best wishes,

    Natasha

  45. 45 Nineveh

    Oh my! I saw the interview. I was wondering when I watched it why you didn’t do the full blackout that so many who wish to remain anonymous use? I was worried for whoever did the interview due to the profile shot.

    The more quickly you face the parents the better. My parents put two and two together, and like proper WASP’s we don’t discuss it beyond the raised eyebrow and the “You know, I do know…” I gave them my situationally specific reassurances, and beyond that they weren’t overly concerned. My biggest fear is damage it could do to my schooling, career, or my relationship with my daughter. Parents can be surprisingly supportive.

    Your mother sounds quite savvy and thoughtful, by the comments you posted above.

    Good luck!

  46. 46 oshkosh

    I’m totally new to your blog, and found it only because your little thingy with Diane Sawyer and your mom hit the news. I’m sorry this happened to you, although I get the impression that you are holding up well. (I have no idea, really. I don’t know you.)

    Best of luck to you. Count me as one of the many on your side. Your blog is amazing. Of course, it is a turn on for me (and a lot of others, I suspect), but what I really like so much is that you are so wickedly sharp and smart. I am glad there are so much archived material for me to read!

    Stay strong and keep writing.

  47. 47 openminded

    Someday, I hope the so-called civilized world will realize that there should be no shame in anyone’s occupational choice, provided it doesn’t cause harm to anyone.

    My compliments to you, debauchette, for being honest with yourself and with the world.

  48. 48 Disconnected

    D,

    For watever it’s worth, I’m sorry your mother found out (like this, or at all - up to you) and hope you figure out a way to deal with it that works. As for the interview, I’ll try to find a link when I have more time. I think I understand your desire to offer your perspective and I always feel a trickle of envy (albeit small) for people who try to explain (anything) to those who have no interest or intention in listening. I usually take the pespective that Cohen sang about “I thought it was there for good, so I never tried”…

  49. 49 Richard

    I’ve just started reading your blog. I only found it because it was linked on gawker. I’m not in the US so didn’t see the interview.

    Personally I don’t think you’re a whore. As opposed to money, it seems to me that you do what you do because the enjoyment of it is evident in your writing on so many levels. Perhaps the enjoyment of the physical act. The engagement with the cast of characters. The contrast it brings to other areas of your life.

    And all of this inspring and fuelling your writing. And what a writer. Debauchette, you’re very honest and very talented. I continue to read your blog with admiration and envy.

  50. 50 kittenINFINITE

    KUDOS! You inspire sex workers everywhere!

    You are a brave woman!

  51. 51 Mercy

    As a long time (though infrequent) lurker, I wanted to come out of the woodwork and show my support in light of all the hate mail, too. I think some of us forget that positive reactions are what keep writers going; that there’ll always be more negative attention that’s spoken.

    Years ago my mother (probably my father as well) found out that I was working in the sex industry–but we don’t talk about it, except obliquely. It was uncomfortable for a long ass time, my regret is that we never talked about it when it happened. That’s an individual choice, and not any advice on my part. Everyone’s different. But I do know how it feels to have this big thing sitting out there where everyone can see it.

    What I -can- say is, keep it up. You’re adding to the future history of female sexuality. You’re engaging people with new thoughts and ideas. And you’re doing it quite, quite well.

  52. 52 Fragments

    I really enjoy reading your blog, and deeply admire your ability to be quiet so brave and candid about things that I feel, but have difficulty expressing in light of societal and parental pressures. Social norms and views are ever so fickle, and yet for most of us, breaking from it, is like breaking from gravity - to be able to step away from its shadow, and to walk your own path, the one most suitable for you, instead of the one dictated by the arbiters of normalcy takes guts - kudos

  53. 53 VJ

    Please recall that Diane Sawyer, was an old Nixon era political whore & still is in the bag for the sort of dirty kind of ‘respectable’Repug:

    (From Wiki): “She attended Seneca High School in the Buechel area of Louisville. In 1963, she won the “America’s Junior Miss” scholarship pageant as a representative from the State of Kentucky. In 1967 she received her English degree at Wellesley College in Massachusetts.After briefly attending law school at the University of Louisville, Sawyer served as a local TV news reporter and “weather girl” for WLKY-TV in Louisville, Kentucky. In 1970, White House press secretary Ron Ziegler hired her to serve in the administration of President Richard Nixon. Sawyer stayed on through his resignation in 1974, worked on the transition team between Nixon and Gerald Ford in 1975. She took her loyalty as far as decamping with the First Resignee into Californian exile, and helped him write his memoirs there”.

    So yeah. Imagine a 63 YO Repug. Wellesley Granny Grad interviewing you, well about anything. It would come out about the same way, right? Sure she’s sweet. She WAS a Jr. Miss way back before they had toothpaste in a tube. Friendly too, up to a point. But honey, she’s part of the moneyed elite, always has been, and was probably shagging Nixon to ‘calm his nerves’ way back in the day. She filed that way in her unconsciousness as ’service to the country too’, Betcha! But the bottom line here? She Always believed Nixon was the one who had been wronged. Victorian just does not begin to cover all the pathology here. She’s always looking for the ‘little people’ to be superior to, and let us watch as she does that ’special interview’ where she’ll try and commiserate with you. Still as her Jr. League, conservative Wellesley gal self. Yeah, it’s ‘must watch TV’. Good gal goes slumming, explains all it to ‘Middle America’. We needed that! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

  54. 54 Tryingtolearn

    I have to agree with VJ…You were the sophisticated one…being interviewed by a hack…well polished…but a hack nonetheless.

    I have faith that you will persevere …not for your audience…but for yourself

  55. 55 Wolter

    You should take a look at http://lettersfromworkinggirls.blogspot.com/

    You might find some more encouragement to stick to your guns, though it would probably be more useful as an advocacy site for those who are still blinded by the stigma.

    It’s refreshing to see someone willing to pierce the puritanical barrier of undeserved shame, and stepping into the sunlight to say: Here I am.

    The concept of prostitute=victim has got to go.

  56. 56 Thais

    Have you seen this, D.?
    http://daytimetalk.com/2008/03/22/diane-sawyer-talks-about-prostitutes-video/

    It looks like you actually left quite an impression on Diane Sawyer.

  57. 57 Doctor M

    I hope you’ll update soon. You’re always missed on non-update days.

  58. 58 collegehookerboy

    I think I might have seen that interview. Sometimes they are flattering but usually they depict the crack/street whores who would sell their souls for a year supply of drugs. That ain’t me anymore and its clearly not you - you got class.

  59. 59 JoeClay

    I hated it when Sawyer implied you lost your dignity by selling it.

    I wish you would have asked her if she felt she lost her soul by doing shows ot interviews she didn’t want to.

    Be brave, little willow.

  1. 1 BOINKOLOGY | When Your Parents Find Out You’re A Prostitute
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  5. 5 MundoQuente » Coidado coas entrevistas televisivas
  6. 6 Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2008-04-22
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